Does This Even Matter?

The Girl and her Bunny

2011-11-09T05:14:00.000+10:00

There was a girl, who found a bunny, an infant born in disparity.

She found the kit had no ears, seemingly depraved through force. And both its hind legs swollen. Its siblings however met a more unfortunate fate, born only to be consumed by the one who bore them.

Alarmed, the girl rescued the bunny, before any more harm could be done. She cared for the small bunny, unlike anything she had ever cared before. Maybe it was because she saw a commonality with the small fragile life she held in her hands. For she was a hardened woman, a result of challenging younger days. She thought herself a savior for the poor bunny.

Either way, she was determined. She was to care for the bunny and ensure that it will live to see another day.

Though she did not know how to care for her new friend, she tried her utmost best. She kept the bunny warm, she fed her, she talked to her, they kept each other's company. They needed each other, desperately.

Every time she fed the bunny with milk, through a nose drop-turned-milk bottle, she looked intently at the bunny, smilingly whispering "Dear bunny, you have to live...please live".

Alas, Fate had different plans, for both the girl and her dear bunny. One morning, she had found her dear friend, laying motionless wrapped in a blanket meant to keep it warm. Her heart sank into unfathomable depths. No matter how hard she tried to brave the tragedy, her tears flowed without her consent.

She misses her bunny, ever more so with each passing day. Why bunny was taken from her, no one knows. But I would've liked to think that the brief presence of the small bunny had taught her to treasure every waking moment, and that the gift of life is beautiful regardless of how long it was lived or how it began. What mattered was how the fleeting time is spent.

Waning Hearts

2011-10-12T23:18:00.000+10:00

Continued from Part 3

"It's not getting any easier you know" she told him, abruptly.

Her defeated tone was deliberate. There was no point in hiding the flame she held for him.

Not anymore.

The repetition of hide and seek had lost its charm. She now yearned for the absolute. And that killed her inside.

"What is?" he asked.

He was playing a dangerous game of ignorance, all the while gazing at her, puzzled.

The rumbling inside her chest seemed to have never ceased playing its tune. All this while, a coveting rhythm, only for him.

"This," Her heart whispered this unto his unknowing ears.

She dared not to look at him. It was as if her soul willed itself to be with him. And she would give it away willingly in a single heartbeat, if only he would ask of it. But she dared not to long, to yearn more than she could bear. At least her eyes could avert what her entirety could not, she thought.

He never got an answer that day. Instead, she gave him a smile, as kind as she could muster. She then stood up and walked away.

At one point, she turned back, staring straight into his eyes.

"I could never stop. Even if I wanted to. It was already yours, even before you and I realized it"

Oh how she wished she had said those words.

Teh Tarik Roti Kosong

2011-10-09T14:46:00.000+10:00

He is a hard man. He knows this, and suspects nothing will change this.

Everyday he submits to the whim of man, woman and child. Somedays, he greets them with a smile. On good days his smile is every bit as welcoming as he means them to be. On bad days, his smile was warm enough to hide a troubled soul.

Somedays he works his way through stacks of plates and a tower of mugs. A concoction of water, soap and oil splash against his tired features. Undisturbed, he quickly wipes it off.

His thoughts dream of a better tomorrow. He dreams for his family. Yet rarely does he dream for himself. And why should he, when they're his everything. He has long since discarded dreams of his own.

His brushes away these thoughts and continues his labor.

He is a proud man. Though it may not seem like much, his small establishment means everything to him. His every sweat and tear was proof to him that every Ringgit earned was because he endured.

It completed him.

My Private Prayer

2011-10-01T02:09:00.000+10:00

Every morning, I'll say a brief prayer as I leave for work.

I pray for my parents and my three sisters.

I pray that today will be a better day than yesterday,

I pray for my every action and my every word will be out of necessity and that it leads to a greater purpose.

If today was meant to be a bad day for me, I pray that I am able to accept with humility and that I'll find the underlying wisdom.

I pray that I'm always reminded of what I do not lack.

I pray that I am content with what I now hold.

I pray that I am able to firmly hold on to what really matters, and am able to easily let go of what is not (though at times I have difficulty to distinguish between the two)

I pray that my every waking moment makes me a better man,

If today was meant to be my last, I pray that I'll be able to say that I've lived a full life, and am prepared to move on to the next.

P.S. I do realize that realistically, saying all these things aren't exactly what you'd call "a brief prayer", but I suppose if you do it every morning, one would know them in a heartbeat.

Perpisahan

2011-09-09T00:10:00.000+10:00

Due to the TV3 Raya Celebrations advertisement, I was once again introduced to this particular song by Anuar Zain titled Perpisahan. Browsing through YouTube, I found this wonderful cover by Cumi1569 (not me!). Henceforth, I decided to attempt a translation of the beautiful song.

I understand, this separation does not stem from hate,

But because you no longer carry my affections,

Ofttimes, They linger; memories of you;

Laden with endearing hopes, woven with a gentle bliss...

I weather my coming days,

With a face that will never return to me,

But this heart has yet to concede,

It was left to bear a persisting pain...

This doubt was never meant for you,

This heart still yearns for you,

This disquietude was meant only for me,

This heart still seeks for a glimpse of you,

This heart was never prepared to lose you...

Angin Malam

2011-07-25T00:08:00.002+10:00

Pabila dingin malam datang menyapa,

Kian mendung hati yang menduga,

Puas mendamba,

Hajat yang tak terhingga,

Sunyi malam yang tak bertepi,

Bermain madah bersama bayu sepi.

*Note to self: This is what happens when you indulge in too much Malay Rock Kapak and Malay Love Ballads...haha

The Thank You Note

2011-07-01T00:48:00.002+10:00

Of most, almost as surely,

We shall miss,

Those piercing blue eyes,

That was both stern and kind,

Those towering shoulders,

That was our pillar of strength and solidarity,

Those ever guiding hands,

That never shied from helping all that it can,

And that sincere and gentle smile,

That always reminded us that greatness lies not in a man nor woman,

But amongst a family that never falters.

As you would have always said, "Have a nice start"

Vielen Danke.

Procastination

2011-06-27T02:35:00.002+10:00

...

I really should be drafting the "Thank You" note by now *sigh*

...

One thing about writing, for me at least, is that the more you force the words to flow, it tends to come from the head, and not from the heart.

Selamat malam bumi Malaysia.

Highway Tail Lights

2011-05-23T22:43:00.006+10:00

Vibrating octaves peeked shyly from an elaborate playlist that yellow evening, and it seemed to meld into one with the canvas of orange hues.

Maybe I didn't treat you, quite as good as I should have...

Sprightly lights quietly appeared amongst the concrete jungle. Slowly yet surely, the resting city was coming to life. I was humbled at the perpetuation of life that did not wait for time.

Maybe I didn't love you, quite as often as I could have...

Trails of streaking tail lights sped by me, and I didn't mind. I allowed the descending twilight slow my pace. All I yearned was to glide on the tarmac.

Little things I should have said and done...

The sweet symphony between man and music was briefly my reality. I permitted the piano play parts of my life story. I let the deep purr of the engine drive me. I let the fluidity of notes shape old nostalgias. I indulged.

I just never took the time...

But you were always on my mind...

(Buble' singing "Always On My Mind")

The Oasis Lullaby

2011-05-05T01:35:00.004+10:00

Renae stirred from her moments slumber, to a canopy of neon lights.

Perhaps it was the protective arms of strangers that slid around her, which carried her from one smile to another. For she too smiled, and it was brighter than any stars that blanketed the eventide.

Perhaps it was an innate ability to bond and trust, born from a young soul marred not with the darkness of the world. For she found company in some and sought after their embrace.

Renae slipped back into her fathers' arms, under a canopy of neon lights, serenaded with a mellowed Oasis track.

Slip inside the eye of your mind,

Dont you know you might find,

A better place to play,

Oasis, Don't Look Back in Anger

Sweet dreams little Renae. May you fall asleep and rise to wonderful days.

Fall Out

2011-05-05T00:32:00.003+10:00

You once told me that love knows no bounds. That love was blind. That love does not discriminate. That love was an eruption of emotion, a violent storm of passion. That its fire will leave you bare and defenseless. That its madness was an addiction.

But my love was every time I gazed into your eyes and was resolute that you were, and will always be, worth my every waking moment. My love was my every silent prayer to find fulfillment between us. My love was when it was only your being that mattered and made sense.

My love was you.

People say that it takes only but a fraction of a second to helplessly fall in love.

But what people neglected to say was that it doesn't take much to fall out of love either.

Two Words That Could've Made All the Difference

2011-05-03T20:19:00.007+10:00

Today I went to the bank to change my ATM card. 2 machines rejected my card, figured its high time I got it changed. Apparently, one of the requirements to get one's card replaced is to have the bank book along, and I left that in Penang *hard facepalm*

And yet things went my way today. The bank manager took a pity to me, offered to replace the bank card without the bank book, but not without a solid reminder that I shouldn't be using the phone in the bank hall area (was calling Mum about my bank details. Who knew?). And on the plus side, the car decided to stop making squeaky sounds every time I hit an uneven surface.

I was convinced that it must've been the sunny weather after the rather stormy weekend. Things were good for once.

Somehow I forgot to thank the bank manager for her kindness. Realized this while driving back to work, and I felt awful. Thank you, it's a game changer. It is too often that people neglect to exercise this kindness upon others. I have so many things to be thankful for.

Thankful for the fine weather (and thank you for the dark clouds that made me appreciate the sun even more).

Thankful for the chance to draw breath (again).

Thankful for an amazing family (that forever believed in me).

Thankful for wonderful friends (though infuriating at times they may be...haha).

Thankful for hearty laughters from strangers (that made me believe that life isn't that depressing)

Thankful for having something to believe in.

Thankful because I have an unwavering Faith.

Thankful for the hope that you gave me, however slim that may be. Thank you, even if it was a moments hope.

That One Chime

2011-05-02T14:28:00.003+10:00

Waiting for that one chime proved to be difficult. The seconds seemed excruciatingly long, let alone the minutes that fleeted.

It's been hours since, and that killed him inside. Myriads of questions swarmed him, and yet it was always that one answer that resonated as reason the most.

Nobody cared

In the midst of all this mess that hinted futility, a small part of him decided to be resolute. To seek that which had been missing for so long. Until he received the answer that would either make him whole, or break him apart.

And that one chime carried with it expectations that could last for a lifetime.

At the very least, it would be suffice until the sound of the next chime.

These Words of Mine

2010-10-04T10:42:00.002+10:00

...are my release.

From those judging stares and nudging expectations,

I claim these words as my own, thrust them onto my reality,

Where I am free to be me, once more.

Cure Me

2010-09-30T19:42:00.002+10:00

As I feel a slight tremor rumbling through this beating heart,

I permit myself only to wonder,

and never react,

I tell myself this with each passing moment,

As I feel a slight tremor rumbling through this beating heart,

Of Players and Spectators

2010-03-07T23:39:00.004+10:00

More than often spectators will claim themselves to be wise.

Sitting on benches, elevated from the field of play, spectators see events as they begin to unfold. Spectators more than often predict the trajectory of these events, judging them, and inevitably select and expect the next best course of action.

More than often, spectators forget what it is like to be on the field of play.

Treading through mud and grime, players face the game as they come. Split second decisions made on the go. Decisions incorporating every bit of intellect,emotion and assumption within that frame of time, just to take that one step forward. Players play it as they see it.

More than often, players take the right step. Some don't.

Who are we to judge too harshly when these roles, more than often, interchange.

Between players and spectators.

Perfection

2010-01-29T23:46:00.002+10:00

Is it where one remains ignorant of the faults of others around him or her?

Is it the relentless battle to deny?

Fillers

2010-01-02T19:28:00.006+10:00

Got these of a random website. They make me laugh every time.

...Okay...

2009-11-19T09:17:00.002+10:00

I was in the kitchen to refill my mug when I saw a McD Cheeseburger on the dining table.

Hooooboy...

Silenced Halls

2009-11-10T01:07:00.002+10:00

If hearts could cry,
Would it carry
The soft longing,
The bitter solitude,
The painful relief,
Saddled by tears
Of eyes that vowed not to weep?

The Send Off

2009-10-12T17:25:00.007+10:00

Mata Tua

2009-09-17T05:30:00.002+10:00

There was something about her that captivated me. Maybe it was the wrinkles that lined beneath those tired eyes. Maybe it was her sitting on the moth-eaten sofa with a pacifying air about her. Maybe it was the three strips of evening sun that lined neatly beside her feet. Maybe it was how she talked about her grandchildren, how she brimmed with impregnable pride.

Maybe it was that chilling familiarity of one that I've missed for far too long.

The Curious Nature of Absurdity

2009-09-03T14:42:00.003+10:00

"What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires -- desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way."

Bertrand Russell

Steer Clear of the Angry Bull

2009-08-28T20:14:00.004+10:00

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian."

Dennis Wholey

Its funny how these things tend to smack you in the face before you could even realize that it was all just a waste of time wallowing in something as certain as breathing.

or

We could all be that ever so slightly thoughtful bull and not charge, just to make a statement.

Wishful thinking has always been my thing, even though it always ends with a swift kick in the heinie.

How We Ran From the Cold into the Sun

2009-08-02T10:53:00.016+10:00

Why Did Winter Cross the Road?

2009-07-25T17:06:00.002+10:00

...that's a stupid question. It can't. Anyways, winter break is over and here comes the inevitable sinking feeling.The new semester blues. That can only mean one thing...it's time to show off to the world those precious vacation pictures. By now, Facebook will be constantly updated with new folders of pictures. I too shall soon be joining the foray of jpeg images flooding the net...no, that's not entirely precise.

I'm deliberating.

Heck, I think I will. At least this blog will suffer minor effects of this picture fever, just to keep the fire burning *hah!*

Sydney, Melbourne, Cairns!Ho!

P.S. Yes, I'm still writing like a normal human being. It's easier than I thought.No wonder blogging can be addictive....meh.

Blogging Like an Ordinary Person

2009-07-01T09:15:00.005+10:00

Having read so many other blog entries of a variety of individuals, I'm tempted. Tempted to blog about my daily routine. It's not something I usually do, you know, talk about daily ongoings in my life. But what the heck, after such a long hiatus, I don't think people actually open this blog anymore except for one individual... I think... (I'm pointing my finger in your direction Sop)

Okay, so what am I up to these days. Well, there's the PS3 for one. Currently digging Red Faction: Guerrilla. It's always fun to blow things up, especially if it involves big balls of flames. Plus the game engine that powers the physics in the game is pretty epic, having the ability to take down anything is pure awesomeness. Will then come back to Infamous, playing as the good guy. Being the bad guy in the first run was an unbelievably fun experience. You get to fry people with electricity out of no conceivable reason.

Recently bought a Giottos tripod. I'm quite amped up to try that one out. Bought it during study week, so I haven't been able to try it out. Oh well...

I'm back into blogging again (yay...?). Study has been extremely frustrating and stressful, hence I banned my brain from producing ideas about blogging. Now, I've got things up in my head thats just waiting to be chucked into this space, but that will have to wait. They don't go up nicely when you force it out.

They mailman brought me presents these past two weeks. I've been getting my long awaited World of Warcraft, Diablo and Starcraft novels I ordered through the net. They never sell it cheap in the bookshops. 1 novel for around 10 dollars online, thats cheap! I'm including Christie Golden as one of my favorite authors. Rise of the Horde was unexpectedly a good read. I'm currently reading Arthas now. It expands the World of Warcraft lore quite well, with tie in's with the original game. Can't wait to have a go at The Dark Templar Saga after this.

Recently went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Over the top action sums it nicely, which is a good thing for me. Reviews have been complaining about the movie having no substantial storyline. Honestly, storyline? Its a movie about robots brawling *pish*. But, I must say, the first one was slightly better I think. I literally had chills when Scorponok and Starscream was revealed the first time, and when the AC-130U Spooky came to lay the smackdown on the Scorponok...holy cow. Didn't really experience those things with the sequel, but the sequel did show why Optimus was given the Prime title. That definitely scored a Bluray purchase from me.

Ah, so there you go. That's about it I suppose. Holidays, here I come!

Ho?

2009-06-29T09:54:00.002+10:00

There are those days when you wake up in the morning and ask yourself "What exactly did I do last night before I went to bed?"

The lights are still switched on, the heater is still spewing hot air (hence the slight dryness at the back of my tongue), I'm covered in my new green towel, and the laptop is still waiting for an input.

Then I'd ask myself "When did I go to bed last night?".

While typing this entry, I only realized that the one question I should have been asking myself was "Why did I go to bed last night?". Meh, sometimes I ask myself the wrong questions, as do most people. You get lost in all the details, when you should always remind yourself of the simpler things.

It makes a lot of difference.

To Things That Were, To Things That Are, and To Things That Will Come to Pass.

2009-05-08T01:02:00.002+10:00

We slowly age from this day to the other, mechanistically managing our lives. Somewhere along that long line, did we ever stop to ask ourselves, how much we've grown up? This will mark the first time I've put a stop to these perpetually running feet to contemplate.

Growing up is never easy. It is not something that may be forced, but is revealed onto us unwillingly, in the most discouraging occasions, but most certainly at times that we need it best.

It is not by mere coincidence that we are finally able to leave behind the past that we endearingly hold on to, to part ways with personal desires. Courage does not find its way to those who shy away from it.

At that point, I think we'll be able to look back at the things that were, and forgive ourselves for growing up.

Oh Rapunzel, Oh Rapunzel, Did You Get My Message On Your Wall?

2009-04-02T20:35:00.003+10:00

Amidst the swelling atmosphere of frustration and impatience while lining up in a long line of a crowded bookshop, something managed to get through to me.

"You're going to the party at Mike's this weekend, yeah?"

"Umm...I dunno(pronounced as if an invisible 'y' was placed after the letter 'o')...I'll Facebook you later"

...

To think that mankind had evolved so far from using smoke signals to this Facebook method of communication.

Is that even a legal verb?

Wow.

Silent Breathing

2009-03-03T21:02:00.000+10:00

A streak of Lightning paints across a darkened canvas.

A blow of rage.

A whisper of humbleness.

A breath of silence.

The Heavens cried, so did Thunder who uttered its voice.

...And as the raindrops began to drum across the windshield, I stared from a distance and listened to their conversation.

Of the Heavens, the Earth and everything in between.

Ice Cream Sundae

2008-10-30T12:13:00.012+10:00

Of Talking and Listening and Everything in Between

2008-10-29T15:34:00.004+10:00

How I wish that every once in a while, people would talk to each other. It need not be a 5 hour drama. 10 minutes of honesty would more than accommodate for all the deceit we juggle around on a daily basis.

Tales from a certain little bird can traverse all manner of impediments, fly across oceans, drill through mountains if it has to. Fiction that reek of uncertainty and ambivalence. Of this, I am aware. Here lies my struggle, against a rush that threatens to trample me over, and leave me bare.

Alas, I am but a tower with waning defenses. Bricks and steel can only hold a man for so long.

Here Comes the Sandman

2008-10-06T13:13:00.002+10:00

After years and years of being a scholar of knowledge, I have yet to understand my tendency to fall asleep in classes. Destructive yet pleasurable, dozing off unknowingly is quite the nasty package wrapped in colorful ribbons of deceit.

All it takes is a fraction of a second.

I've been caught off-guard too many a times that it annoys the living daylights out of me. One can pack an arsenal full of caffeine in one's system, only to find the playful flirting of Sleep more alluring.

The best part of it all is that you only realize when you're already too far too deep. Cut me some slack lah, Mr. Sandman.

A Gentleman's Code

2008-09-22T07:06:00.002+10:00

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

John Walter Wayland (Virginia 1899)

Warped

2008-09-10T15:32:00.003+10:00

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The following contents may possibly be understood only by engineers or mathematicians
Viewer discretion is advised. Blogger recommends knowledge of Laplace Transformations.

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"So here's how you'd get yourself into another world or dimension. You have either alcohol...or you could try Laplace transformations."

Paul Lant, UQ, 10-ish A.M

This right here is Pierre Simon Laplace, the man partly responsible for the exponentially increasing levels of cortisol and norepinephrine in my system. I nicked the picture off Wikipedia.

Thank you, sir!

How We Fall

2008-09-07T21:40:00.002+10:00

Today I saw a disabled man fall from his wheelchair while getting of a bus...and all I could muster was to say "Oh, shit!"

It happened so fast, as he was slowly going out of the bus. The wheelchair moved too soon, too quick, and he tumbled out of his seat. And then it struck me at the very core of my being. To see that man helplessly on the ground not moving, it just made me feel completely sorrowful.

I could tell that the man was angry. But i have a feeling that he was not angry because he fell, but because he was unable to get up. I was surprised myself, that I found it hard to bear watching him being put back onto his chair and thank the people who helped him up. To fall to your knees and hoped people stopped staring. And you curse yourself perpetually for not being able to do anything.

I saw both his elbows bleed incessantly. And yet his face showed no signs of physical pain. Maybe it hurt more on the inside. The man faced away from the bus, but I could see him sitting on his wheelchair with his legs shaking. The mere sight of it broke my heart. And yet there I was, sitting in my seat.

I now ask myself, why did I not move to his aid? I can tell you now that the reason being I was seated quite far from the bus entrance and did not want to crowd the scene. But is it really?

Shores of an Evening Sky

2008-09-06T23:33:00.010+10:00

For Real?

2008-08-28T19:56:00.002+10:00

We were heading back home after an exhausting session of MATLAB scrutinizing when my friend said " You know, us engineers, our work revolves around risks. We actually get paid to take risks!"

....

"...it's just like prostitutes. Their line of work, day in and out....it's all about taking risks! Am I right?" *insert uncontrollable laughter*

No Brian, that statement is so wrong on so many levels, I won't even bother rebutting your statement.

The Hunt for Moby Dick

2008-08-13T09:54:00.009+10:00

Here's what I did last weekend.

I went whale watching.

Waiting for them whales to give the boat a nudge

Still no whales

Yup, that's a whale right there. That's the tail by the way.

For such a huge mammal, whales are rather elusive.

This was when it passed by just beside and up to the front of the boat. It was the highlight of the whole trip really.

Everyone wants a piece of Moby...

Adieu

Laser Tagged

2008-08-10T16:25:00.005+10:00

Nadlique tagged me sometime ago. So here's me, obliging to it:

Question 1: What were you doing 5 years ago?
5 years...I suppose I was in Tingkatan 5. I was probably busy being either a hardcore gamer, trying to finish one of my short comics, or being an idiot.

Question 2: What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1. Get my PS3 fixed.
2. Get me hands on a DSLR...those whale pictures on the G7 just won't do. "What whales?" you ask? Stay tuned folks...hohoho.
3. Get my life sorted out. I swear everything is in a retak menanti belah state. But, I'm doing just fine. So Ma, don't worry.
4. Vacuum my room. I have yet to do it this week due to serious procrastination.
5. Do laundry.

Question 3: What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
1. Coles/Woolsworth 2 dollar cookies.
2. Bread with cheese.
3. Potato wedges.
4. Eclipse mints.
5. Maggi mee...sometimes anyways.

Question 4: What are 5 things that you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Change the course of my study.
2. Go traveling. I seriously need the experience.
3. Donate.
4. Live a more or less carefree life, doing things that I've always wanted to.
5. Complete No. 1 and 2 of Question 2.

Question 5: What are 5 jobs you’ve had?
1. I once did some farm work, collecting tomatoes for *lazy* farmers. But that only lasted for 3 days.
2. A teacher. I taught young monst...I mean, kids. That lasted for about a month.
3. Newspaper dealer. This actually lasted longer than the two above. It was for about 1 year. I distributed newspaper in Kolej Mara Banting, with the help my associates of course. Good pay too.
4. Housekeeping...but exclusive to my place only. I don't get paid but the satisfaction is really worth my effort and time...even though it may last for about an hour or so.
5. The list stops at 4.

I shall be tagging...whoever is interested in being tagged. But do let me know if you have done them. Oh, I shall make it obligatory for Atiqah. No excuses, just do it. Your brother commands you!

Unshaped by Time

2008-07-29T23:43:00.001+10:00

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This entry is classified BS. It contains excessive reality alteration and mild lies and deceit. Blogger recommends parental viewing.

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“I wish we could be like this forever,”

A gleeful smile shot across her face. A hint of unwavering faith belies underneath the playfulness of her tone.

“Forever huh…a bit too long if you ask me,”

He disagrees with this concept of unending. Too much is never a good thing.

“No, silly! If we’re happy, it’s all that counts”

He wished he could be as optimistic. Alas, can you really blame our kind for being so painfully realistic, he sighed, unheard by his significant other. Oh, how he wished for those kind thoughts to be so true. He wished not to hurt. He wished for nothing less than perfection.

But wishes are what they are, and how they will remain.

“Yeah…” said he with a smile.

Paper

2008-07-24T21:22:00.002+10:00

What do you get when you put value to a piece of paper. 10 seconds, go!

"Money".

Strictly speaking, it's a blend of 25% cotton and 75% linen that makes up the currency paper. What could have been done by man himself that has made this "money", his own creation, so important, so fundamental that lives literally depend on it? I suppose this is quite an open ended question in itself. Personally, my answer would be choice.

It was definitely a gift when man was made with the freedom to desire and elect. Then, came a problem of having too much to choose from and with everyone else wanting pretty much the same thing, came another big problem. Thus "money" was born, a common denominator that could make things right.

The world aged, and "money" grew up into a big taiko, gathering more lackeys by the day. People nowadays do everything in his name. Eat, work, play, lose weight, sing, dance, kill, wage war, lie, betray...you name it.

I'd be lying if I were to say money is beneath me, because it isn't. I depend on money as much as the person next to me. It's got an undeniable grip on a lot of things, and it would be unwise to be defiant and say no to this concept.

See, I always thought that since "money" was a concept concocted out of the freedom to choose, why then must we sacrifice so much to obtain it?

Unhealthy Addiction

2008-07-17T18:44:00.002+10:00

Yes, I am an addict. No, not a junkie and I don't smoke. I'm addicted to keeping things inside. It's mentally detrimental. Yet I do. Hell, most addictions are that way. It's moronic, but people keep screwing themselves up. It's sometimes beyond me why I do it, but I do. It's probably because if I do let it out, I swear it will hurt people, and trust me, it hurts real bad. I have this talent of knowing what and how to say things. You might say that it's self professed, but...try me and I'll make it worth your while.

It's already been like what, 100 words more or less, and if you haven't noticed, this is an emo entry. I try to not write about these things but you've got to vent off once on a while. Pish, shit happens all the time and this heart ain't big enough for all the love in the world, get me?

Of Bread and Toast

2008-07-12T21:40:00.002+10:00

Recently, my preference for toast has been overcome by an uncanny craving for bread with a slice of cheese and chocolate spread. Though toast offers unparalleled crispiness with each munch, the risk of the bread being burnt is always present. A risk that extends pleasure to the courageous and patient. Now, plain bread. It is present, nondescript, safe. It is up to the consumer to fashion it's blandness.

So heavy is the burden of choosing between the two that I hold so very dear. Alas, there can only be one.

...which got me thinking, why then must I limit myself to the two, when there is always cereal and oatmeal?

When Time Stood Still

2008-06-29T22:21:00.004+10:00

A few days back I went to a photography exhibition, the 51st Annual World Press Photo. It was basically a collection of the best works of photojournalism all around the globe. Needless to say, the pictures there spoke for themselves. Funny how the best entries weren't necessarily the ones which had the most megapixels.

Pictures that captured an honest moment. Pictures that could tell a story in a single snapshot. I could only wish to one day be able to have the privilege of claiming one as my own.

The picture below, featured in the exhibition, was taken by John Moore during the assassination of Pakistan's Benazir Bhutto.

The Missing

2008-06-13T02:38:00.002+10:00

...or should I say The Misplaced? Who knows. No one, that's who. Of late, things have been disappearing without any trace or logic. At least this is true for a friend of mine. Right under his nose, it was gone in a matter of seconds.

I find it more astonishing than it should, more than anyone would have preferred. We turned the whole place upside down, yet only succeeding in making ourselves more puzzled than before.

I told him to recall his last moments with The Misplaced. He gathered his memories of the past moments, and we scrutinized them one by one, yet still to no avail. Something happened during that course of time that nobody knew or realized.

I suppose that is always the case with missing things. You could've sworn it was there, but somehow it isn't. So we blame people around us, we blame ourselves, we blame the circumstances. We denunciate all we can, be what was lost remains.

Words of our Fathers

2008-06-04T19:56:00.006+10:00

"It's rude to talk back to your elders!"

"But, I know I'm right! And it's clear as day that you are not!"

The adolescent of this day and age will most probably argue that the above reply is true. In fact, most of the time, they are. Parents nowadays sometimes forget that the world now is very different from back then. Who better knows the world today than the youth, a physical manifestation of the present.

"When I was your age, I had to walk all the way to school!"

True, but that was the time when the majority can't afford the luxury of transportation. Times have changed. Parents,without doubt, work very hard to ensure that their children won't have to endure miles of walk to be educated. So, why bring up this point in the first place?

While this is all true, the lack of sensitivity towards the finer details of the argument is rather disturbing. It is not a matter of who is right or wrong. It is a matter of how to perceive and act accordingly. Certainly we could spare being courteous, even for the rarest of moments?

One day, we would all inevitably come to an age when we feel we have earned the right to be respected. It is then that we realize that it is not so much about who was right or wrong. It is about being deprived of something years of life have procured.

Jokes from the Loo

2008-05-26T20:48:00.002+10:00

UQ is, in a way, graced with such creative young blokes who sometimes express their literary work in toilet cubicles all over the university grounds. One of the more funnier ones is this one below:

*on the wall, right over a toilet seat*

"Don't look here for a joke....

...because its in your hands"

The Glorious Throne

Stop This Train

2008-05-24T10:51:00.004+10:00

Yet another song from John Mayer (due to my lack of motivation for an original post). I love this guy to bits. How he comes up with such powerful lyrics is beyond me.

Stop This Train - John Mayer

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

The Calm before the Storm

2008-05-21T07:05:00.002+10:00

Neither he nor his comrades spoke at the table. The steam from their cups curled into the cold morning air, absent of shape or certainty. Their eyes void of the usual glint of vigor, their roars reduced to silenced echoes, their heart chained by anxiety. As his lips felt the first singe of the tea he brewed, he dragged what was left of his half-hearted resolute to face a day that has yet to unfold its story onto him.

…and so is the prelude for one who has had late nights and early mornings. Selamat pagi Brisbane.

Recycled

2008-05-17T11:46:00.003+10:00

I was going through my old blog a few days back when I realized some of my posts were gone!

Cis, bedebah!

So I decided to save this poem (one of my favorites) which I posted in the old blog, before it too gets erased for no apparent reason. This time around I'll include the English translation as well. The following piece is by a Ono no Komachi, a famous Japanese poet.

夢ぢには
あしもやすめず
かよへども
うつつにひとめ
見しごとはあらず

...translated as...

Though I go to you
ceaselessly along dream paths,
the sum of those trysts
is less than a glimpse
granted in the waking world.

Of Days to Come

2008-05-11T21:51:00.005+10:00

When I think of days to come, for some reason, there's always going to be the sun. Everything is bright, and always a hint of a cozy warm feeling.

Even when I know tomorrow will sometimes come nowhere near this, I place my faith in the smaller things that greet and pass me by, that in their own small unassuming way, I'll have my moment of sunshine.

Sensei

2008-05-01T23:22:00.004+10:00

Life as a uni student need not be boring and stressful...

...especially when you have a lecturer like John Zhu!
*cue Wong Fei Hung music*

I'd like to honor this man here, because he may be one of the cool lecturers that have yet to grace me with their wisdom. John Zhu is a Chinaman, who has been teaching Mass Transfer in University of Queensland since days of yore.

John Zhu is a difficult man to understand. Not because he talks philosophy, but because the majority have a hard time distinguishing words like "drag force" from "dragon force".

John Zhu doesn't have a laser pointer, nor does he use those extendable metallic pointers. He uses a thin bamboo-ish stick which suspiciously looks freshly plucked from somewhere around the uni.

John Zhu gives proverbs which aid students in their tempestuous quest to understand Mass Transfer.

"When one wants to get out of the ocean...one doesn't need to grab the body of the whale. You only need to hold on to it's tail,"

John Zhu, CHEE3002 Lecture, 9.40 am, 1st May 2008

As many stared blankly at this notion, most quietly agree that John must've meant going into the ocean.

(With all due respect, he is a good lecturer. Although I won't say he's the best, he tries to be one)

Invisible

2008-04-23T12:03:00.002+10:00

There's something about watching people going about their businesses on their own that can carve the slightest of smiles.

Often a time, alone is when people can afford to be honest with themselves.

Sometimes, alone is when people shed their self-pretense.

Betimes, alone is when people are the most beautiful they'll ever be.

That One Geek Moment

2008-04-02T22:05:00.003+10:00

Found a wallpaper today with a stick man falling to his death and went splat on the ground. And in the middle, it went:

It's not the V(f) = V(i) + a t that kills you, it's the F = m a

I thought it was funny. If someone were to look up for what the equations meant, it would've been horribly not funny.

Learning physics finally did me justice today.

How the Word "Kot" Makes Me Feel

2008-03-26T23:37:00.004+10:00

The title itself reveals what the mood of this entry will be.

Emo.

That's right. Me annoyed and me want to express before me turn into green ugly monster.

It has come to my attention that the phrase "kot" (a phrase in Bahasa Melayu which is used to expresses unsureness) is used more and more these days amongst young Malaysians in general. It is often repeated perpetually at the end of a sentence that it becomes increasingly irritating. Not because of the "ad nauseam" effect of it all, but rather the tone that it insinuates.

The phrase "kot", originally used at the convenience of the Malay language user to express doubt, has much evolved into a term that suggests sarcasm. Demonstrated flawlessly by almost everyone around me that I know, the word "kot" now may mean "obviously, *you bloody idiot!".

To make matters interesting, such is the tone of the uttered sentence that it enforces the strong and repugnant hidden meaning of this word. One would sometimes honestly wonder if he/she is truly in doubt when it turns out that one is actually being mocked in secret.

Regrettably, it is no secret anymore.

I am a victim of this verbal harassment, and this is my story.

*optional vocabulary to aggravate

Lingering Scent

2008-03-26T23:35:00.002+10:00

He said thank you.

She said no problem.

At least that was allowed.

In silence, more was offered than what was bargained.

That of what was hers, in exchange for what was his.

But he said thank you.

And she said no problem.

On One Late Night

2008-03-17T21:35:00.005+10:00

On one late night, drizzling raindrops tap my window. They beckon me to soft pillows and warm blankets, to a place where there is only bliss. How I yearn of such plainness, to leave and be done with the burden of it all.

On one late night, I shall say "Nay! Begone with you, foul desires dressed in bedsheets of purple, brown and maroon! Take me for a fool you may, but do not assume I am of such weak resolute!"

"I shall now take my leave and have my coffee,"

A tale of suffering by Sir Ashcroft. May he be blessed with eyes that do not falter easily under the pull of the night.

Starburst

2008-02-22T22:27:00.002+10:00

Fireworks. They shoot up to a bright start, fast and steady. But at some point they burst into beautiful colors that illuminate the dark night sky. The sparkles then drift apart, burn out and lose their dazzle.

As captivating as that moment was, it was nonetheless but a fraction of vivacity. Strangely enough, the simplicity of it all is worth more than all things summed up together. More than words can ever describe.

I hate to think that sometimes people are like fireworks too.

Mu-sick

2008-02-18T10:32:00.004+10:00

I don't really know why I'm doing this in the first place, but it seems to be...fun. Yes, I shall indulge in this for a bit. Indulge in what you say? Read on and you shall be enlightened.

The following are the songs that I have been listening to for the month of December 2007 to the current time of 10.35 a.m (GMT +10), 18th February 2008.

Because of You by Ne-Yo.
This one just struck me as a very catchy tune with beats that will induce a jig...but don't be expecting a jig from me now...So You Think Amir Can Dance? I strongly feel that he can't and will not...ever.

Lelaki Ini by Anuar Zain
The usual lovey-dovey Malaysian ballad. Sedap.

Boston by Augustana
Starts of slow with a piano tune and then proceeds to rock-ish ending. I have a thing for these types of songs.

Empty by The Click Five
Is somewhat similar to the tune above. And I kinda like the lyrics.

Kepadamu Kekasih by M. Nasir, Jamal Abdillah and Hattan
Absolutely adore the emotions in this tune. Plus the three otai's of the Malaysian music scene makes it even better. And the lyrics were worded beautifully.

Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's
One of those lepak songs. An honest and sweet pledge to a gal, I dare say.

A Daisy in December by Mick McAuley and Winifred Horan
A lovely instrumental tune. Picked it up while watching So You think You Can Dance while two of the contestants danced the Smooth Waltz.

Misery Business by Paramore
Jerit sana, jerit sini. Saya suka.

Stop and Stare by One Republic
I like the lyrics. And, also given the fact that I have a soft side for pop rock tunes.

Bubbly, Oxygen and Older by Colbie Caillat
Her songs have this soothing feel to them. Makes you want to ease off and unwind

Talking Alphabets

2008-02-18T10:19:00.002+10:00

At times, I feel words restrict the gravity of a situation. One can only tell so much by saying “I’m great, thanks”. Emotions are funny assets that we have if you think about it really. They’re like a living abstract, floating around us, and are summoned without knowledge and permission. Sometimes they tell us what to do, dictate us on following actions but we don’t necessarily understand them. And yet we use them incessantly without fully appreciating the consequence, because we are desperately in need of them. We then feel the need of expressing, as it alleviates the heavy burden of containing this emotion entity. Of the many methods of expression, I would say words are quite popular. But at times words can only tell so much. And yet we try as we might, because in the end, it will all be worth the effort.

At least that's what we tell ourselves.

Structured Chaos

2008-02-01T01:08:00.000+10:00

Which is better: the uncluttered structure or the flexible chaos? Some argue structure is rigid, hence deprives further creativity and finesse. But then again, how can you improve upon the perfection of structure? I think beauty lies even in the most hideous of things. The challenge is to know how and where to look.

"No object is so beautiful, that under certain conditions, it will not look ugly"
Oscar Wilde

Tag...I'm It!

2008-01-19T23:25:00.000+10:00

I have been tagged by En. Usahawan Berjaya Nadlique. I've also been tagged by Alia before, but I forgot to obligate myself to the tag...so I'm going to do BOTH now. (sorry Alia it took forever)

Faliq's tag-

Favourites

Colour ~ Black and White
Food ~ Mum's cooking
Movie ~ The Lion King is one of them...
Sport ~ Badminton
Day ~ Holiday
Season ~ Black Pepper
Ice cream ~ Jamoca Almond Fudge

First
Crush ~ Nice try
Movie ~ Jurrasic Park...awesome movie by the way
Music ~ Backstreet Boys...owww yeeeeaahhhh

Last
Drink ~ Green Tea
Phone call ~ My mom
CD played ~ Michael Buble's Call Me Irresponsible....long way from Backstreet Boys, no?
Gone out with good friends ~ A long time ago in a galaxy far away
Broken a law ~ Notice the word "skema" written across my forehead
Been arrested ~ Never

Alia's tag-

The Rules:

1. Each blogger must post these rules first.
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve tagged, and to read your blog.

Fact #1-When I see something weird or interesting, I write mental stories, not notes, in my head (thus what the word "mental" implies, duh!) and if they are interesting enough, they make it to this blog space...

Fact#2-I like to arrange the money in my wallet so that it's from a big to small amount.

Fact#3-I am terrified of big insects.

Fact#4-I once got into a fight with the class bully when I was in standard 2. I climbed on his back and started to pummel his head. First and last time I engaged in such a physically disagreement.

Fact#5-I can cry rather easily...there,I said it. But I'm not a wuss.

Fact#6-I once got hit by a car while riding my bicycle...such an adrenaline rush! (Ma, if you're reading this, chances are you're a bit freaked out. It happened when I was in tingkatan 5 and I was heading home from Kompleks Bukit Jambul...totally not my fault...the car went straight when it was driving in a "turn right" lane...hence the car hit me and I flew...a bit...)

Fact#7-I like to look at clouds and stare blankly at the sky.

Fact#8-I hate politics.

I shall now tag Atiqah, Azleen, Azyan, Shalinda and Joel

Lampu Isyarat

2008-01-18T22:52:00.000+10:00

You'd think that when driving, one must always mind his/her way on the road.

This is very true. On the other hand, the co-driver has a field of opportunity. Ranging from changing the radio station every 5 minutes or so, to dozing off, there's just so much to choose from... it's just crazy! Let me tell you what I chose...yes...I chose to take note of the different behavioral patterns of traffic lights across Penang (sounds very...academic, no?)

Traffic lights here in Penang has much evolved from the "whateverhappenedtothegreenlight" conventional traffic light to the much preferred "traffic lights with a countdown timer" traffic light. I have come to quite a fascinating conclusion from my tireless scrutiny of these devices. The amount of time allocated for each traffic light differs from one place to another and also they somehow differ for each time of day!Fascinating!...well,to me at least.

And the time allotted are somewhat random numbers in my opinion. 43 seconds was of them, and 120 seconds on another. How peculiar. It seems to me that if these numbers were in fact a result of surveying the traffic itself, it amazes me how tremendously hard these people work as they come up with different numbers for different places for a different time of day.

Or, they could all just be random numbers. For me, this shall remain as one of the conundrums of the universe...unless of course, someone fills me in with the details.

Until that fateful day, I bid you adieu.

The Piscator

2008-01-16T02:02:00.000+10:00

...and he stood there silently between the two azure vastness. There and now, he was but a humble servant Chance and Probability. Amber lines spread across the horizon, as the sky ascended with shades of orange and the sea shimmered golden. He never really stopped to indulge himself of such beauty. Alas, who can say that he ever really cared. As he cast his net, along with hopes of luck, his thoughts cried in silent "Maybe today..."

Stories on a Swing

2007-12-12T22:23:00.000+10:00

I could’ve sworn his youth was slowly, yet surely, swirling right in front of his eyes. He talked with an unchallenged certainty; his wisdom was something that needed succession. And I wasn’t listening much. Instead I stared at him, sitting on the old swing, trying to feel his words as they lined across him one by one, each bearing years worth of his life. On that fine afternoon, he told me the stories of his life and I quite liked it.

Stereoscopic

2007-12-10T13:19:00.001+10:00

Touchdown Part 2

2007-11-29T12:15:00.000+10:00

Peter remembered who I was the next morning, so that’s good. Hahaha. I was feeling extremely exhausted to a point I would sleep for small intervals while listening to my mp3 songs on my mobile. Peter had to catch his flight to Victoria, so I bade him good fortune. “Till we meet again…If you remember me that is,” I whispered under my breath…hohoho.

Lambatnya Air Asia buka counter…$@^%@!!!...my worn body cursed repeatedly at the bald guy counter, smiling to each “When will it open?” question. It finally opened at 5.20 a.m. which was a huge relief. To get onto the plane itself was another story…regrettably a long one. Funny how time practically takes baby steps when one hopes for it to fly as quickly as it can.

Again, I met another individual, this time a fellow Malaysian, mother of two who came on a holiday to Gold Coast. She greeted me with “Ada orang duduk sini ke?”. “Wa’alaikumsalam…” I muttered under my breath…sarcasm fills my body to the brim…not sleeping does that to people. Anyway, she turned out to be a rather pleasant individual, with me behaving surprisingly “talkative”. Banyak pula aku bersembang dengan makcik ni...something that I rarely do with people I don’t know…must’ve been the effects of sleep deprivation, yes.

It was soon revealed to me that the wife of my Economics teacher, Pn. Siti Maryam, was the matchmaker between this lady and her husband who got married in their second year in the U.S. of A. Hah!Small world…

Finally sitting in seat 22A of flight D7 2703 (which was pronounced dua-tujuh-tiga-tujuh by the stewardess…aparaa, bikin orang kelam kabut pula…cheiss…I swear I was ready to jump out of the flight with that announcement), I dozed off rather instantaneously.

Woke up after 2 hours, asking one of the steward when will the meals be distributed. He told me everyone had already eaten. APA?!!! Of course I demanded for mine…7 dollars ain’t cheap brother. SO he gave me one…with the cover warning of the HOT content. Apparently the contents were ICE cold…literally. Note to Air Asia – This is NOT FUNNY. But I ate anyway since I can’t be bothered to complain and wait another 10 minutes to eat. I hadn’t had anything to eat since 10 the night before. Kebuluran lah katakan…

The flight was really, really, REALLY boring to the full extent of the word with no in-flight entertainment whatsoever. Note to self – Budget airlines suck. (but that’s obvious, my bad again). After 8 hours of boredom, I finally got down.” Home”…was the first thought I had...soon to be followed by “panasnya”.

And so here I am, in LCCT, waiting for my connecting flight at 9 p.m, with my laptop battery running at 33%.

Peace out.

Touchdown Part 1

2007-11-29T12:08:00.000+10:00

It’s 9 p.m., 26^th of November, and I’m still thinking how I’d make it through the night without having to sleep. I’ve got two tins of V drink; wonder if that would suffice to keep these eyelids of mine from resting, although I have this nasty feeling that it wouldn’t. To start of the night, security told me that the airport would be locked at night. Right. That’s a start….So much for hopes of sleeping on a cushioned bench…Malam masih muda…

I knew I’d regret not taking a pen along with my luggage; hence I couldn’t scribble down this soon to be eventful night as it unfolded before me. (Currently typing this down in LCCT, connecting flight is at 9 tonight. God forbid that the internet at home isn’t working, I hate delays)

It just so happens that every time I take a flight alone, I’d meet amazingly interesting people along the way. This time around, I met this Indonesian fellow, Donar and a colorful aged bloke, Peter. You can imagine how tough it was conversing in a so-called Indonesian slang I coughed up in a matter of seconds for each conversation with Donar here. Sunnguh mencabar…And Peter turned out to be a Jack-of-All-Trades. I would think that this man reads a lot, because most of the things he said to me left me feeling rather ignorant. And so he did all the talking and me listening (so was each conversation made between me and any other individual. My bad really)

Apparently Peter here suffered from an illness that makes him hard to concentrate with the smallest of disturbance, and also has this short term memory loss thing going on. Oh, and he’s also epileptic. The moment he said that, a picture of him convulsing on the airport grounds painted across my head…which was so wrong, I know. And so most of the night was spent listening to his life stories (which were rather interesting I might add) until about 1 in the morning when he decided he was feeling rather sleepy.

I wondered if Peter would remember me when he wakes up.

To be continued.

Fotografia

2007-11-10T09:33:00.000+10:00

and...

I just had to put this up...somewhere. I must apologize to the subjects of this photo...although I thought it was ridiculously funny. Bet this would've made the cover of Wanita or Maskulin easy.

They're both straight by the way.

Outruling Verisimilitude with Equations

2007-11-08T01:13:00.000+10:00

Expectations are hopes, anticipation, and probability. Sometimes they’re useful, but most of the time, an annoyance to me personally. Adhering to some maxim can only get you so far.

This rock we live on today gyrates so fast these days that it is only second nature to hope for the best in anything that we deal with while conveniently overlooking the need to allow some buffer for inadequacies.

Time is an asset so precious that everyone is assumed, and expected to have the Midas’ touch. Rocks turn into gold with a touch of the hand. We can all hope for money to grow from trees for all I care. But if it doesn’t, does that mean we have to abandon being reasonable in the first place? What gives?

Peace out.

Reasons to Care

2007-11-05T19:33:00.000+10:00

Doing the things that I do now, I wonder if they will stay as important at some point later in my life as they are to me today. Therefore I force myself to fully understand my every action, lest I forget and be lead astray.

Gotta Love Em' Brits

2007-11-02T20:01:00.000+10:00

Of all the slangs, the Brits come first on my list. Thought this ad for the upcoming game Hellgate: London was pretty funny. Have a good weekend people.

"Post slaughter blahs most likely, not to worry...."

A 5-Minute (Current) Life Assessment by Sir Ashcroft

2007-10-31T17:50:00.000+10:00

It has always been an interest of mine to understand the intricate art of the human mind. Of late, I have found an easy yet doubtfully accurate way to assess the behavioral under goings of my fellow colleagues: Reading the status messages of my dear friends off the instant messaging application. Amazingly, some people put rather personal messages, with messages ranging from happy notes of thank you, to the most vivid expression of loath and detest. Though tempting to believe, these status messages sometimes give an altogether false interpretation of what's going on in a person's life, but it sure tells you what's going on through that person's mind at the moment. Viewer discretion is advised.

Cheers everybody. Selamat malam Brisbane...

The Monster Inside Me

2007-10-28T13:22:00.000+10:00

...reveals itself whenever my present me lets myself down. It's a truly hideous creature. It feeds on vengeance and rage and will do almost anything to settle the score. Sometimes it scares me that I keep such a thing inside me, but there were times that I was more than happy to let loose that terrible, terrible beast. Thankfully, it takes a lot to push me that far. But when it does reach that dark point in my life... lets just say it's in the best interest of everyone to stay away from me. My friend Yusoff had lived to tell the tale.Heck, he's even got scars to prove it, kan Ucop? Ha..haha...hahaha...

(http://www.geocities.com/~kitiaria/FantasyArtV.html, image property of Brom)

Inconstante

2007-10-23T19:36:00.000+10:00

A glance at a fleeting memory left me vulnerable this morning. A tinge of vulnerability does people some good, no?

Weaving Imagination

2007-10-16T20:05:00.000+10:00

Recently I've started to draw again...well, I tried anyway. Felt rather depressed really...not that sort of depression that would throw you in a ward,no.

Lines aren't as straight, curves aren't as curvy(?), you get the picture. What was in my head wasn't what's on the paper. If I recall back, I could've drawn something I wanted to in a heartbeat...but that doesn't mean I'm good at it.HA! NO SIR!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss the days when I wouldn't worry too much and little things could've made my day, easy. These days it just takes longer to reach that state of satiety...*sigh*

"Dear God, why?"...a reply.

2007-09-30T21:09:00.000+10:00

Because we are simple beings,
Because we are subject to all the pleasures in this world, as much as we are to pain,
Because we are not invincible and will never be,
Because it is a constant,
Because we exist,
...and because of that, we have agreed to accept existence as it is and whatever else that comes with it.

Once Upon A Time

2007-09-25T10:32:00.000+10:00

It struck me this morning that to each and every person is a story of their own. A person that walks by you on one random morning has his or her own life tales that amalgamate into the being itself. Skeletons hidden in their own private closet, moments that lifts a person, moments that tether them to the ground. Stories that are carved in stone every moment spent breathing.

Once upon a time...

Epiphany

2007-09-14T22:31:00.000+10:00

"a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience,"

This word has been bothering me since this morning...didn't know what it meant though, until 3 seconds ago.

Zilch

2007-09-10T07:35:00.000+10:00

A lot of things happened during the course of my absence from this space, yet regrettably, time is not on my side for the moment. So I thought I'd post something I found on the net recently. It's a good change of pace for my writings I suppose.

One fine day, a wise Professor ask of his students, "Why when people are angry, they shout when they speak?"
All students pondered a while, and one of them answered.
A: "It's coz we lost our cool, therefore we shout when we speak"
" But why, the person is only beside you, you're still shouting? Can't you speak softly? Why need to shout?" asked the Professor again.
All the students, went into a frantic, giving their answers, but none of them that the Professor is satisfied of.
At last, explained the Professor,
" When 2 people are angry, the distance between each other's heart grows apart, in order to conceal that distance and assure the other could listen what is spoken, therefore, they shout when they speak.
However, the moment they shouted, they grew angrier, and the distance grew further apart, the further the distance became, the louder they shout."
Then.. continued the Professor ..
"When two individuals are in love, what would the situation be? It is the opposite. Not only they don't shout when they speak, but softly. Why? This is because the distance between their heart is closer, almost there isn't any distance.
Therefore, people who're in love, they speak like they're whispering into each other's ear, and the love within grow deeper, until the state where, without a word, just a glance of the eye, the message is delivered, each other know what the other meant.
That is when there is no longer any distance between the couple's heart. "
And last, concludes the Professor,
" When two people are arguing, do not let the heart grow apart, do not say things that could make the heart grow apart. Naturally, few days later, when the distance between each's heart is closer, then only work things out "

0235

2007-08-28T02:34:00.000+10:00

There is something about sitting alone in a dark room, lit only by my small yet trusty study lamp, that gives me the capacity to brave the next morning. Its chartreuse yellow rays invigorate me in ways that remain a question. But that alone is enough.

Good morning St. Lucia, good morning Brisbane, good morning Queensland....

Good morning world...

The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello

2007-08-25T11:38:00.000+10:00

By chance I stumbled upon this wonderful work of art on YouTube. What reeled me in was the art direction of the video. It just comes to show how less is more. Have a go at it if you're interested.

Of Whales and Dolphins

2007-08-22T19:10:00.000+10:00

Life ain't exactly a stroll through a park. Beautiful,it definately is. Easy, it is not. Sometimes I think people think too much...and one corner would yell out "But we can't help it!!...". And then I'd say, "...then deal with it,". It was your choice to wallow in your shortcomings in the first place, why complain? Nobody told you too...Just do what you have to do, don't think too much about it. Whatever happens, happens. The end result would only reflect your previous decisions, and none other should be blamed but yourself!

...of course this is not always the case. Urgh...meaningless rantings of a tired soul. This is me yelling at myself. And if people wonder why I'm so darn quiet at times, this is pretty much what's happening inside that little box somewhere in my head. Not that I yell much at myself though...but you get the idea.

And I shall put a random picture down the bottom of this entry to make it seem like a more colorful entry....

Mantra of the week:

Jangan kau gentar pada bayang-bayang sendiri,

Di sebalik pahit getir, kemenangan menanti,

Bagaikan burung Phoenix bangkit dari abu,

Bangkit membina satu keindahan yang baru,

Phoenix bangkit...

(from "Phoenix Bangkit" by M. Nasir)

阴阳

2007-08-09T23:30:00.000+10:00

I believe in a weird concept of happiness. I believe that I cannot enjoy myself too much, to allow myself be totally enveloped in bliss, to succumb to joy.Because if I do, sooner or later, I would experience the same magnitude of sorrow. An irritable form of inertia if you may. Somehow an unknown force seems to want to put my life back into balance, to counteract my joy with sadness. And this has been occuring repeatedly throughout my life, so often that it is now carved into my belief system. People sometimes ask me how I, at times, remain void of emotion. This may well be one of the reasons. I become too careful to allow myself to express anything! Hopefully though, it works the same way vice versa. Dwell long enough in agony and a wealth of euphoria lurks around the corner...but I suppose once you get to the point where your life seemed right again, you forget all about the time when it all seemed to daunting to carry on.

(this picture was not taken by me...I got it from http://farm1.static.flickr.com/87/205450024_7f8183c854.jpg)

Wham!

2007-08-08T12:00:00.000+10:00

Have a look at this video here...

I posted up a comment in YouTube, but with the swarming amount of comments from other users, I thought I might as well write something in my own personal space because this is something I feel very strongly about.

It's that time of year again where Malaysia is about to celebrate it's 50th independence, and with a statement of such magnitude towards the country, it may well shake the whole nation, especially individuals that were pointed to in the video. I'm not surprised if somehow the media would start mentioning about this video.

Malaysia has it's flaws. I point them out every now and then in discussions with fellow colleagues studying abroad here. In fact, every other government known to mankind isn't perfect. Staying away from Malaysia, sooner or later we start to compare. People have rights to express their personal oppinions but mock sensitive issues like race and religion, that's when people start clenching fists.

Comments on YouTube about the video are becoming more hostile than ever. That NameWee guy just made his problem everyone else's problem. I'm sure those vulgarities were aimed specifically at NameWee but with emotions stirring, I'm concerned that these feelings of irate would be channeled to those of the same kind as NameWee, though innocent they may be. In the end, people are just people. Race and religion gives us an identity, but they do not determine who we are and how we turn out to be .

For 50 years we have breathed the same air on one patch of land called Malaysia. By now we should understand that our strength lies in our differences.

Dark Clouds on the Horizon

2007-07-30T23:47:00.000+10:00

Ever had this looming ominous feeling that something bad is going to happen, but you just can't put a finger on what it is? It feels like your insides are slowly falling apart. Unpleasant feeling really...

...I don't like it.

This innocence is brilliant,

I hope that it will stay,

This moment is perfect,

Please don't go away,

I need you now,

And I'll hold on to it,

Don't you let it pass you by...

Solitaire

2007-07-23T23:33:00.000+10:00

What happens when one plays too much solitaire on the computer? I can now confidently say that one of the millions of possibilities is that one becomes "enlightened" and decides to write a blog entry about it.

In solitaire, it appears that each step needs to be the right step in order to win the game. One false step and that's game over for you...which sometimes irritates me as it gives you hope only so far as to see it crash and burn sometime later.

The game gives people the illusion of a fighting chance, cheating to men of equity, with the "Undo" option, only to entice it's players longer into it's game of chance and deception.

Now, for the nilai dan pengajaran part, let us all contemplate and revel in the realisation that life is not a solitaire game. Men are allowed to err, mistakes do not lead to dead ends.

Thank you very much people,
selamat malam...

Snowflake

2007-07-16T11:30:00.000+10:00

Aphasic

2007-07-16T11:06:00.000+10:00

...no I'm not mute. I'm perfectly able to articulate my thoughts and feelings. I simply choose not to, rather, only when necessary. Interesting I should meet this guy I just knew in Melbourne and he chucked me in a group of individuals only to be known as "orang-orang senyap". I was perfectly fine with it really. Nice to know that I actually belong somewhere...be it some imaginary group someone whiffed up in two seconds. What's more interesting was when he asked me "orang-orang senyap macam ko memang suka tangkap gambar eh?"

...

Buoyancy

2007-06-25T00:04:00.000+10:00

If hope gets me through the day, then I shall continue to wonder in endless nights until my dreams become too heavy for these tired shoulders to bear

What Makes A Dad

2007-06-17T13:40:00.000+10:00

God took the strength of a mountain,

The majesty of a tree,

The warmth of a summer sun,

The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,

The comforting arm of night,

The wisdom of the ages,

The power of the eagle's flight,

The joy of a morning in spring,

The faith of a mustard seed,

The patience of eternity,

The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities,

When there was nothing more to add,

He knew His masterpiece was complete,

And so,

He called it ... Dad

Happy Father's Day, abah.

p.s. No, I didn't write this poem. I found it on the net, by some unknown author.

Of Walls and Bars

2007-06-11T09:44:00.000+10:00

Every now and then, my laptop lags like crazy, and I'll quickly sum up the problem to be "Spywares". The mere fact that my laptop is really ancient material has yet to make a dent in my denial, hence I shall point my finger at those nasty nasty Spywares. I have no intention of elaborating what Spywares are in this entry, but know this...Spyware = BAD.

That bit was really all that mattered, yes? The majority of people (this statistic is really something I made up within 3 seconds) are only interested in how things would affect them and not the details. Not to say that people are self-centered, but that's how people are - insecure. If something changes and it may affect me, I'd like to know how. And if it riles me up the wrong way, I'd want to prevent and fix that compression.

Thus, I think the reason why people can sometimes be mean to others is because of insecurity.

"I'm going to annihilate you lot because you make me twitch"

....that sort of thing. The world is made up of expectations and pre-determined prejudices. We can't help but to feel insecure. But really, is that a good enough excuse to turn out entirely messed up?

Toast is in the Air....

2007-06-05T19:22:00.000+10:00

It was only moments ago that I used my heater after months of being kept away. I was pretty anxious actually. Who knows, it might've become faulty during it's long summer...and autumn....cessation. For all I know, it might even burst into flames! One COULD argue spontaneous combustion would also produce the same heating effect, but we wouldn't want my house to turn into a huge bonfire so we could all gather around and marvel at the pyro spectacle, no?

So, it turned out to be working fine and dandy. So far so good. And THEN! It was only then I noticed something odd. "Who's making toast?" I asked myself...looked at the heater, and there it was, my little toaster, sitting on my bed. It was supposed to be a heater but now it's evolved into a heater AND a toast-odor-producing machine...whatever you may want to call it...

Once upon a time, when winter's bite gets too cold and cruel, I turn to my heater to provide the warmth of a Queenslander home. Now, the heater heats and makes me hungry.

Perfect.

A Winter Yesterday

2007-06-04T07:26:00.000+10:00

One glance at the sky, I saw evening clouds retreating. Achromic against the vast azure, I knew all was well.

5.45 p.m.

La Même Histoire - Feist

2007-06-03T09:39:00.000+10:00

Quel est donc (Which is thus)

Ce lien entre nous (This bond between us)
Cette chose indéfinissable ? (This indefinable thing?)
Où vont ces destins qui se nouent (Where these destinies go which are tied)
Pour nous rendre inséparables ? (To return us to inseparable?)

On avance (One advances)
Au fil du temps (With the wire of time)
Au gré du vent... ainsi... (With the liking of the wind...thus...)

On vit au jour le jour (One saw from day to day)
Nos envies, nos amours (Our desires, our loves)
On s’en va sans savoir (One from goes away without knowledge)
On est toujours (One is always)
Dans la même histoire... (In the same history…)

Quel est donc (Which is thus)
Ce qui nous sépare (What separates us)
Qui par hasard nous réunit ? (Who by chance joins together us?)
Pourquoi tant d’allers, de départs (Why so many outward journeys, departures)
Dans cette ronde infinie ? (In this infinite round?)

On avance (One advances)
Au fil du temps (With the wire of time)
Au gré du vent... ainsi... (With the liking of the wind… thus…)

On vit au jour le jour (One saw from day to day)
Nos envies, nos amours (Our desires, our loves)
On s’en va sans savoir (One from goes away without knowledge)
On est toujours (One is always)
Dans la même histoire... (In the same history… )

On vit au jour le jour (One saw from day to day)
Nos envies, nos amours (Our desires, our loves)
On s’en va sans savoir (One from goes away without knowledge)
On est toujours (One is always)
Dans la même histoire... (In the same history…)
La même histoire...(Same history…)

Where Art Thou?

2007-05-16T22:21:00.000+10:00

I'm still here alright...Lately there were massive influx of assignments, hence the hiatus. I've been doing my fair bit of blogging though, mental ones. It's becoming a habit of mine to give non-verbal comments about things happening around me. I'd like to write them down, I really do, but they've already faded by the time I get to my laptop. A gist of it lingers, but I just couldn't be bothered to mention them when all the juicy parts have been lost...somewhere.

I watched Oprah this evening (yes, I DO watch Oprah). Okay, so it was an ad on the telly about "The Secret". It didn't mention Oprah though. It was pretty interesting. Apparently it's some sort of phenomenon that's changed lives of many.

...we're talking about Oprah Winfrey here. They do these kind of stunts on her shows.

Back to assignments I suppose *sigh*

Test Oh Test...

2007-05-06T11:57:00.000+10:00

Random test of the day...I'd appreciate it if anyone puts in an effort to try this...Thanks :)

Create your own Friend Test here

Reminisce

2007-05-06T11:08:00.000+10:00

I still remember the time mum taught me how to use Power Point. Making slide shows was the coolest thing ever...not to mention mega bragging material. I'd make up short stories using pictures and the sound effects. And there were the Hyperlinks!...which made it so much more sophisticated-looking!

Now Power Point seems like a distant memory. I guess being fed with Power Point presentations day by day made it loose it's once majestic splendor. No more sound effects, no more pictures or clip-arts, no more Hyperlinks, no more slide transition effects. Just word after word after word.

What's the Point?!